jimmi;

This rant has been put off long enough, yes it is time to finally attack the monstrosity that is the Twilight series!
First of all, yes i have skimmed through some of the pages of these really shitty books so i have standing for my hate rants! This is for all of those poor innocent bystanders who have to listen to teeny bopper girls squealing about how good the series is and how hot and idealistic Edward Cullen is.
To begin with Twilight is just a shit story. Ok so what you have a teenage girl with self esteem issues who has to deal with the trials and tribulations which is high school. That there is the most original back story ever, like seriously give Stephanie Meyer a fucking medal or a muffin for her huge heifer ass (we will get to that later). Then surprise surprise she meets an incredibly attractive guy, oh and yeah hes a VAMPIRE. Like ohmigawd really? Then 300 chapters later some dude comes and kidnaps the girl for no apparent reason and as always the strapping young vampire must rescue this fucking boring damsel in distress. And cue unnecessary sequels!

Secondly the characters are the most two dimensional and stereotypical characters ever written. Not only is this a banal love story but the characters seem to have no depth to them at all. Bella is an insecure, self loathing and useless damsel in distress who for some reason beyond my comprehension decides to stick with her cocky dickhead vampire boyfriend.

Also now this book has become an international phenomena. Meaning this size 18 print book without any discernible morals will now be the new To Kill a Mocking Bird of the 21st century, meaning this shititure will be taught in schools, just wait the average national IQ is desperately drop in the next few years. Now the worst has happened, the series evolved into a Film. So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male. So much for centuries of woman's suffrage.

Now to him, the very troubled Edward Cullen. Okay ladies HE IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.
Hes not going to save your pathetic ass anytime soon because he is a made up motherfucker. Even so he is riddled with textbook daddy issues and is a closet homosexual. He does not exist and even though we do have people have manifest some of his qualities none of them will ever talk to you because you are a boring and insecure bitch.

Now Twilight is the product of a unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. So to rectify this problem i think when we see a fat girl with a pen, slap that motherbitch out and give her a muffin instead.

Bring on the hate mail, this needed to be said.


0 comments

jimmi;

This rant has been put off long enough, yes it is time to finally attack the monstrosity that is the Twilight series!
First of all, yes i have skimmed through some of the pages of these really shitty books so i have standing for my hate rants! This is for all of those poor innocent bystanders who have to listen to teeny bopper girls squealing about how good the series is and how hot and idealistic Edward Cullen is.
To begin with Twilight is just a shit story. Ok so what you have a teenage girl with self esteem issues who has to deal with the trials and tribulations which is high school. That there is the most original back story ever, like seriously give Stephanie Meyer a fucking medal or a muffin for her huge heifer ass (we will get to that later). Then surprise surprise she meets an incredibly attractive guy, oh and yeah hes a VAMPIRE. Like ohmigawd really? Then 300 chapters later some dude comes and kidnaps the girl for no apparent reason and as always the strapping young vampire must rescue this fucking boring damsel in distress. And cue unnecessary sequels!

Secondly the characters are the most two dimensional and stereotypical characters ever written. Not only is this a banal love story but the characters seem to have no depth to them at all. Bella is an insecure, self loathing and useless damsel in distress who for some reason beyond my comprehension decides to stick with her cocky dickhead vampire boyfriend.

Also now this book has become an international phenomena. Meaning this size 18 print book without any discernible morals will now be the new To Kill a Mocking Bird of the 21st century, meaning this shititure will be taught in schools, just wait the average national IQ is desperately drop in the next few years. Now the worst has happened, the series evolved into a Film. So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male. So much for centuries of woman's suffrage.

Now to him, the very troubled Edward Cullen. Okay ladies HE IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.
Hes not going to save your pathetic ass anytime soon because he is a made up motherfucker. Even so he is riddled with textbook daddy issues and is a closet homosexual. He does not exist and even though we do have people have manifest some of his qualities none of them will ever talk to you because you are a boring and insecure bitch.

Now Twilight is the product of a unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. So to rectify this problem i think when we see a fat girl with a pen, slap that motherbitch out and give her a muffin instead.

Bring on the hate mail, this needed to be said.