emily;

I just read Leslie's blog, and he made me feel guilty for not being honest.

Monday was a bad day. It started off like any other day - uni, movie, friends. And then I freaked. I don't know what exactly happened, but I panicked. It was like something clicked in my head and I was shouting furiously in my own self-made container of insanity. I was yelling at myself - You can't do this, Emily. What are you thinking? This isn't you. This isn't the person you're meant to be.

Who am I? My whole life I've been the good girl. The dependable girl who gave you her notes every time you asked; the one who was always ready to lend a shoulder and who didn't believe in love and all it's subsequent bullshit. I finally did something reckless. Something so out of character that at first I had gotten rid of that old, pure side of myself. I thought it would be liberating, to pursue something radical and live entirely in the moment; To be someone different. But it turned out pretty messy, and I don't regret ending it. For someone who's supposed to use her head more often than her heart, I make some pretty stupid mistakes.

So, once again, I'm stuck in that perpetual period of my life which Leslie nicely referred to as "stagnant." I guess having no drama is pretty damn good. No news is good news, right?

But I'll keep waiting.

I refuse to be held down by my stupid overplayed thoughts of feeling lonely and lost. This year is going to be the greatest yet. I will be myself - that little fish of a girl who is nice because that's how she rolls, and still experience love, rage, hate and revelation.

2008 will be, the greatest.


1 comments

emily;

I just read Leslie's blog, and he made me feel guilty for not being honest.

Monday was a bad day. It started off like any other day - uni, movie, friends. And then I freaked. I don't know what exactly happened, but I panicked. It was like something clicked in my head and I was shouting furiously in my own self-made container of insanity. I was yelling at myself - You can't do this, Emily. What are you thinking? This isn't you. This isn't the person you're meant to be.

Who am I? My whole life I've been the good girl. The dependable girl who gave you her notes every time you asked; the one who was always ready to lend a shoulder and who didn't believe in love and all it's subsequent bullshit. I finally did something reckless. Something so out of character that at first I had gotten rid of that old, pure side of myself. I thought it would be liberating, to pursue something radical and live entirely in the moment; To be someone different. But it turned out pretty messy, and I don't regret ending it. For someone who's supposed to use her head more often than her heart, I make some pretty stupid mistakes.

So, once again, I'm stuck in that perpetual period of my life which Leslie nicely referred to as "stagnant." I guess having no drama is pretty damn good. No news is good news, right?

But I'll keep waiting.

I refuse to be held down by my stupid overplayed thoughts of feeling lonely and lost. This year is going to be the greatest yet. I will be myself - that little fish of a girl who is nice because that's how she rolls, and still experience love, rage, hate and revelation.

2008 will be, the greatest.