emily;

I love Jimmy Eat World.

Okay, this is gonna be one depressing blog entry but unlike Jimmi, I can't refrain from writing it any longer. And seeing as I only have 4mins to get everything out of my heart and into my mouth, here it goes...

Fuck, I'm not going to get what I need. I need a whopping 97.15 for Public Communications & International Studies at uts, and just as hard to achieve, a 96.45 for International Studies at usyd. Why do they have to make it so damn hard for kids?
For a while, I really thought I could do it. I mean, getting the ranks as of the 4th set of assessments tasks was a breeze. I got over confident. And that, ladies and gentlemen, has resulted in my tragic undoing. There goes any hope I had of actually getting, on my own two feet, what I want. I want it so bad, it kind of scares me. The last thing I wanted this bad was a dog and that was when I was 12. And buying a dog, is decidedly much different to doing well in standardised tests.
I keep brooding and going over everything that's gone grossly wrong. AND I CAN'T STOP IT. I tried playing basketball, I tried burying my heads in my books. It only serves to help for a while.
I love my friends and family, they're completely supportive. So I dont feel like I'm letting them down. I feel like I'm letting myself down. Shit, how could it get so bad?

Sorry to Brian for my outburst. I really didn't mean it. It was just how you brushed me off today. I love the way you apologised :) so very you.

Over the past week, as I look at everyone around me in their relatively happy bubbles, I kind of feel lonely. Not lonely in the sense that I have no friends to lean on (Jimmi more than fills that void); Lonely in the way that only feeling excluded from that great thing called "love" creates. I was walking from State to the Martin Place today, and God, I realised how pathetic my existence is.
I wait for the day I find that special someone that I'm not afraid to love truly, and openly. ha, coming from me, I don't think that's possible. But I want it anyways. Almost as much as I want this year to be over, and for me to be holding a paper with my desired number on it.

End of rant.
For awhile anyways.


1 comments

emily;

I love Jimmy Eat World.

Okay, this is gonna be one depressing blog entry but unlike Jimmi, I can't refrain from writing it any longer. And seeing as I only have 4mins to get everything out of my heart and into my mouth, here it goes...

Fuck, I'm not going to get what I need. I need a whopping 97.15 for Public Communications & International Studies at uts, and just as hard to achieve, a 96.45 for International Studies at usyd. Why do they have to make it so damn hard for kids?
For a while, I really thought I could do it. I mean, getting the ranks as of the 4th set of assessments tasks was a breeze. I got over confident. And that, ladies and gentlemen, has resulted in my tragic undoing. There goes any hope I had of actually getting, on my own two feet, what I want. I want it so bad, it kind of scares me. The last thing I wanted this bad was a dog and that was when I was 12. And buying a dog, is decidedly much different to doing well in standardised tests.
I keep brooding and going over everything that's gone grossly wrong. AND I CAN'T STOP IT. I tried playing basketball, I tried burying my heads in my books. It only serves to help for a while.
I love my friends and family, they're completely supportive. So I dont feel like I'm letting them down. I feel like I'm letting myself down. Shit, how could it get so bad?

Sorry to Brian for my outburst. I really didn't mean it. It was just how you brushed me off today. I love the way you apologised :) so very you.

Over the past week, as I look at everyone around me in their relatively happy bubbles, I kind of feel lonely. Not lonely in the sense that I have no friends to lean on (Jimmi more than fills that void); Lonely in the way that only feeling excluded from that great thing called "love" creates. I was walking from State to the Martin Place today, and God, I realised how pathetic my existence is.
I wait for the day I find that special someone that I'm not afraid to love truly, and openly. ha, coming from me, I don't think that's possible. But I want it anyways. Almost as much as I want this year to be over, and for me to be holding a paper with my desired number on it.

End of rant.
For awhile anyways.